Are we there yet?

The first time I got pregnant, I had a friend who also got pregnant around the same time (6 weeks before I did). I really thought it would be cool for us to “share the experience”. Boy, did I turn out to be wrong on that one.

This “friend” started trying to get pregnant a few months before I had my myomectomy in April 2002. She knew that I was having the myomectomy so that I could start trying and get pregnant. I’ve always suspected her timing was just her way getting one up on me, as stupid as that sounds.

I never will forget the first month they “tried”. We were having lunch one Saturday a few weeks before I was scheduled for my surgery. She broke the news to me that she and Big Lips Barry had begun “trying”, told me how tired she felt, and confided that her period was late. I asked her if, in her delicate state, she wanted a ride back to the office and she declined. The last I saw of her that day was her walking slowly back to her office, gently cradling the baby she was sure was growing inside her abdomen.

Turns out, she was not pregnant after all. This would be the first of many false alarms. I went ahead and had my myomectomy, and after 6 weeks recovery, my husband and I started trying. I got pregnant on the first attempt, June 1, 2002. I did not break this news to my “friend” since she was still trying after five months. She kept asking me when my husband and I would start trying and I just kept telling her we were waiting until I healed. Now that I reflect on it, I’m sure she was concerned that I would get pregnant before she did.

Since I’d figured out how to use an OPK and time intercourse successfully, I began to counsel her on how to time intercourse using same. Her problem was that she had irregular cycles, so timing intercourse was impossible w/o an OPK. In the meantime, I lost my first pregnancy on July 4, 2002. Since I didn’t mention the pregnancy, I could hardly tell her about the miscarriage.

Officially, we started trying again in September 2002. I continued to counsel said friend on the fine art of getting pregnant, and after 8 months of trying, she finally got pregnant September 21, 2002. I got pregnant again 6 weeks thereafter, November 3, 2002. We were going to share this experience.

Cool right? Wrong. Immediately, there was the phone call about how she told her husband that I was pregnant and he thought that was just great. She, however, did not appreciate his enthusiasm for my good news and said so.

Then there were the conversations about how she could’ve gotten pregnant as fast as I did if she had really tried. First of all, though it took her 8 months, she only tried for 6 cycles b/c her cycles were long. Then some months they didn’t really try (though I recall the disappointment each time her cycle failed). And when I mentioned to her that the 8 weeks she had been pregnant had really flown for me, she corrected me and told me that, according to her doctor, she was in her eleventh week of pregnancy, thereby emphasizing how much more pregnant she was than I.

It was then that I really began to pick up on the competitive spirit of this woman. Somehow, this was lost on me earlier when I discovered that she’d lied about how much she made at her new firm after she disclosed she’d gotten a big raise and as it turned out, she was making less with the big raise than she’d originally claimed to be making. So here I was, in a competition of which I did not even know that I’d entered just by being her “friend”.

Well, if you’ve read this blog before, you know that I lost that competition. December 3, 2002, my ultrasound revealed a blighted ovum. I was devastated. Earlier I’d thought that seeing other pregnant women, Mimi Maternity, etc… was painful, well, I was in for a whole new level of pain.

Things became a little awkward between this pregnant friend and I. I tried to share in her happiness until she morphed into the “The Woman Who Could Not Get Enough Attention”. It was subtle at first. I remember when we had lunch in January 2003, a few weeks after my D&C. She was wearing a tight sweater which showed that she was starting to develop a tiny little bump. I know I was supposed to marvel at this but I was just too raw from the pain of my second miscarriage and I just said nothing.

Then there was lunch in February, in which she demonstrated how she could hardly button up her overcoat b/c she was so “big” and pregnant. I offered to lend her one of my good, bigger overcoats (which she never returned!). During same said lunch, I did get a huge kick out of this one acquaintance of hers who approached her and said “Are you pregnant? I heard that you were, not that I can tell. If I were a stranger I wouldn’t know you were pregnant.” I still remember how good that felt, knowing that I was not the only person who just didn’t see how “big” and pregnant she was getting.

Then there was lunch in March, in which she decided to show us (me and her friend A) her “linea nigrea” in a restaurant. “A” responded by raising her blouse and showing us that she had one as well, except for the fact that she wasn’t pregnant. “A” was having trouble conceiving so this poor pregnant woman did not get the attention she was craving from the two bitter infertiles she was lunching with. I believe “A” was becoming as annoyed with these constant ploys for attention as I was.

Then there was the lunch in April, when she “lamented” how one client hadn’t seen her since she’d become pregnant and how they would make fun of her when they did later on that day, as in “poor little pregnant me” and then made a face like “aren’t I just the cutest little pregnant woman you ever did see?” I didn’t know how to respond to her nauseating attempts to draw attention to her pregnancy. I realized that it was her first pregnancy, but p’leeeaaase, it wasn’t the first pregnancy known to mankind.

Then finally, while walking to a place to eat lunch in June, she remarked how “slow” she had become b/c of her advanced stage of pregnancy. I said “really? I didn’t notice. You seem to be doing fine to me.”

Finally, towards the end of her pregnancy, she remarked how she was sick of being pregnant and the baby kicking her. He had “cooked enough”, according to her. This really steamed me at the time b/c I wanted nothing more than to be pregnant. Was I jealous? Certainly. Envious? You bet. Annoyed by this woman? Lets just say I’d had enough already.

And now here I sit. Pregnant, 34 weeks, 6 days, and I’m calling my doctor’s office to see if I can get my August 11, C-Section moved up. Seven days ago, I was praying to just stay pregnant long enough for the babies to develop fully. Now that I’ve passed that magical 34 week mark, I’m tired of being pregnant. To which those of you still trying to get pregnant must be thinking “you ungrateful bitch”. And I understand that. I am lucky indeed. I am also very uncomfortable….

Of course, I know the amount of discomfort I’m feeling, does not compare to the agony of early morning visits to the RE, the roller coaster ride of each treatment cycle, and the devastation when it fails. I do know that for sure…

Comments

[Thalia]

I've seen too many of my friends at the last stage of pregnancy to begrudge you this one.

[Emily]

With a 'friend' like her, who needs an enemy. I don't begrudge you, not all ... you and your 'friend' didn't have the same pregnancies. While I'm sure she was uncomfortable, she complained more for the attention, she just didn't 'get' a lot; yeah, there's a whole lot she didn't get, and never will. Feh to her.

[InSpring]

You have been an inspiration to me. I've felt like if you can go through all that you've been through, I can get through my journey to motherhood too. I'll probably be doing DE too and you've helped me understand that process and what to watch out for.

I'm sure you're uncomfortable, it must be difficult to have twins. I'm so glad you've made it through the critical juncture. I'm looking forward to your birth announcement, you deserve so true joy you've had enough of the other stuff already.

[Rose]

Don't "friends" like that suck? I too have one thats very similar and its sad because I used to like her and now I can't stand her. She fell pregnant first had a perfect pregnancy and a healthy baby. I got pregnant and miscarried and she started telling me how she was trying for another baby. I fell pregnant again and wow so did she and is due a week after me. This whole pregnancy has been a comparison game for her. Anyways, I'm 35 weeks pregnant now and I feel your uncomfortability!!!! I know I'm only having a singleton so I can only imagine the discomfort I'm having being doubled!

[chris]

Wow, that woman is such an asshole. There are so many women like that who act like they're the first woman on the planet who's ever procreated. The fathers like that are even worse, like we should all bow down to their magical balls or something.

I'd say you have a right to feel like you want to have these babies soon. There are two babies in there. That's a lot of work.

Here's hoping your date comes quickly.

Take care.

[chee chee]

I'm sure you must be ready for your pregnancy to be over. I totally understand why an expectant mom at such an advance stage in her pregnancy would feel that way. It's got to be uncomfortable, difficult to sleep, walk around, etc. I wish you luck on the C-section.

You're almost there!

[Jodi]

I had to deal with the same kind of "friend" except she was/is my SIL.

But since we all had to struggle with becoming pregnant, I think a little bitching every now and then is understandable. Especially being pregnant in the summer. You have got to be miserable.

I hope it goes by fast and can't wait to meet your daughters.

[Erin]

Ahhhh, yes. I think we know the same "friend." Did she wear a red hooker dress showing off her bump at your holiday party? Well, maybe not the exact same person, but I know what you mean.

[Rayne of Terror]

I can't imagine being 9 months pregnant with twins in St. Louis with the heat that just passed. It's probably a good thing to be on bedrest so you didn't have to venture outside. A couple summers ago I managed a campaign on the Illinois side and I tell you going door to door in July and August and working the county fairs was some of the most miserable heat I've ever experienced.

Hope everything goes smoothly the next couple weeks.