My Photo
Blog powered by Typepad

« My Mind: The Province of Petty Annoyances | Main | Sumpin's goan happin... »

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Comments

Louise

No experience directly with this, but my dad always wanted sons and ended up with three daughters. I remember when my sister was born -- my dad and I had been talking about how much we wanted a boy -- and we were both kind of disappointed, but only for a bit. By the time dad told me about my sister, he was completely in love.

Your husband will get over it. And he will love those babies more than anything else.

Oh, and the next time he tells you "I would _____, if you had given me sons" Tell him it was HIS X-chromosone sperm that decided the babies' sex. And then ask him again if he'll be taking the week off.

Thalia

Dads and their little girls are a love story all their own. It's more likely you'll end up being left out than vice versa. Although it may take him a while (see Tertia's last post about how Marko is now doing so much more with the babes now they are 6 months old), he will get there in the end. And he damn well needs to be home to look after you, let alone the babes!

mama-bean

Shame on him for not egarly planning to take 2 weeks or MORE off of work be home with his NEW FAMILY! I mean, even if he were getting just 1 girl, YOU need the support at home those first few weeks. And with 2 coming home, well it's just absurd for him to think he can just NOT be a parent and a support to you right when you need it.

SHAME ON HIM ( and not in a funny way. Really, shame. )

That said, my husband also wanted a boy, but the SECOND he held our screaming, goo covered daughter in his arms, he was lost. Now we can't IMAGINE what life would be like without her.
Also, remind him that your girls can play sports and like cars too. If it helps him to get used to the idea, think about planning a sports theme room for the girls. They won't care either way, and maybe if he sees you picking out cars and baseballs for the girls room he'll get more involved.

A.

Do NOT worry. The vast majority of men are crappy fathers-to-be and blossom into AMAZING fathers. He will undoubtedly take off as much time as he can reasonably afford to once the babes are born. He will be their strongest champion, their biggest fan. He will be great--just give him a chance to see them, hold them, breathe them in.

My husband was incredible from the first second our first child (a girl) was born. He had to leave the hospital a few hours after the middle-of-the-night birth to go pick up my parents at the airport. The baby was in the nursery for her first-few-hours mandatory observation, and he kissed me and said, "I'm going to go check on her before I go" -- and I remember being astounded BECAUSE I HAD FORGOTTEN THERE WAS ANOTHER PERSON TO CHECK ON. But he didn't. And one of our kids was in the NICU for 11 days after birth, and the very first night, I was not admitted to the hospital (had a homebirth), and my husband told me, "You must go home and sleep. I will sit here next to the baby and worry." And he did. He sat there that whole night, watching our little baby. He is a GREAT dad. And your husband will be, too.

BTW, Jewish women are definitely the strong ones--we determine everything that goes on in the house. Ask any rabbi--most will tell men, "Always listen to your wife."

Pazel

My husband thought he wouldn't relate to our daughter because he grew up with only a brother, and his brother has a son. What does he know of little girls?

He loves our daughter and learned that he could play with her the same as a boy. For a long time we thought we wouldn't try again, or that when we did we wouldn't get pregnant so that was it. One child, our daughter. And while he may have been concerned about her sex before her birth, he wasn't afterwards. If she was it, that was it.

But, IVF did work for us and we did get a second child. We both assumed it was another girl. Girls are more prevalent to those with male factor issues. We planned on just having the two girls and being done. Then we found out it was a boy.

My husband now swears to anyone who tries to congratulate him on his son that if he had another daughter he would have been just as happy.

They truly do fall in love with them after they're born. As mothers, we tend to do it while carrying them, for we're with them all the time. But for my husband, they just didn't become real until he held them. Then it didn't matter what sex they were.

Amie

I will never forget this one episode of A Baby Story I saw years ago. The very first thing this new dad said to his brand new daughter was "we'll have to have a brother for you." All I could think about was that girl growing up and watching that.

I think Pazel is right when she says that mothers fall in love with their babys in the womb, while fathers do after they are born.

By the way, I am on the opposite side here expecting our 4th boy!

Noelle

My best friend (who had her first baby two months ago) and I have a theory. Some men just aren't "baby men", and having a baby isn't that big of a deal to them. Sure, it's a big deal, but not as big as it is to us. Who knows why, who knows if it's right or wrong, all I know is that these men definitely blossom into amazing fathers. For some, it just takes a little time... I think a lot of fathers get more involved as their babies get a little older.

I'm quite sure your husband will be an excellent father to his little girls. Congrats to you both!

Moxie

I think the vast majority of men have a real problem relating until the babies are actually there in person. I also think some men are afraid of very little babies. But I predict that he'll fall in love with them and will be a great dad to them at least after the first few months.

Are you going to have help after the babies are born? I'd strongly recommend having a post-partum doula at least three times a week to help take care of you and get your routines set up with the girls.

Jen

My husband is from another country where there is, culturally, a high priority placed on the first child being a male. When we found out our baby was a girl, he knew his family and friends (that are still in that country) would make jokes about it, like "wimpy man couldn't produce a son". I stressed a lot because I thought he was secretly a bit disappointed that she was a girl.

Now that she's 6 months old, forget about it! I've never seen two people so in love. He is addicted to her and will spend any available time he has tickling her, singing to her, dancing with her, kissing her, blowing raspberries on her belly, etc. And she can't get enough of him. The minute he walks into the room and she hears his voice she turns to look for him with a giant grin on her face. She saves her most adorable grins for him. No problem "relating to her" whatsoever.

Felicia

I have read a number of these posts, and I'm touched, and little envious of that "Father-Daugher" relationship described so nicely.

Unfortunately, I am a 39-year old female with a 41 year old sister. My Father only wanted boys, and when my Mother delivered two girls, he left her, and maried our babysitter who did deliver him two boys after they maried.

He adores them.

Ironically, out of all of his children, I have shown much success, independence, and drive. However, it doesn't matter. His boys are his pride.

His dauthers? We are meaningless to him - always have been and always will be.

So I think all of your stories are great - and again, I am a little envious, but there is indeed truth in play. So, when a man puts a lot of emphasis on boys as opposed to girls, trust me, he is not joking, and he has to learn to love those girls. It's not a natural thing.

And I hate to say this but statistically, he will be more prone to leave you if no boys are brought to him regardless of it biologically being "his" choice.

I'm certain my Father has fantasized of my sister and me just fading away. I somewhat have tried. I moved out of state after putting myself through college (on my own), and I have try to build my own "world", but I have to admit, I will always have a void in my life because I never had that relationship nor will I ever have that relatinship with my Father because and only because I was a female.

Being a female really truly sucks. I have made over six figures since I was in my 20's (now 39), but because I do not have the male chomosome, I am nothing.

Females are expected to be males mothers and caretakers in a marriage and we are expected to also be the CEO of the household, and I tell you now that it is truly a man's world - on every account. So ladies, find out b-4 you get married on how he really feels. If my Mother had have done that and acted wisely, she and he would have avoided the painful existence of my sister and me.

I share this because I am in pain - much pain. Daughters should be the 2nd child. We do not have a place as first and only. We just don't.

The comments to this entry are closed.