Even in my dreams things are going off the beam. Friday night, I dreamed I was fired. In the dream, I was deemed associate of the month b/c i had billed the most hours out of all of us (am I dreaming or am I delusional?) but by some fluke, I got fired that same month. Supposedly, for knowing too much...not about my profession (p'leeasee)....but something about the firm. So, after being fired by Barb, our accounting clerk, I was trying to find the managing partner (aka PAA) to discuss my most unexpected termination. Somehow, he'd gone missing in action. I suspected that this was more passive aggressive assholish behavior on his part and posted a sign in his office awaiting him for his return that said: THERE'S MORE THAN ONE WAY TO CUT THE BALLS OFF A CHICKEN! Guess my daytime anxieties are working overtime into my subconcious. Note to self: cut back their work ours; they are working way too hard.
So last night (Saturday night) I dream that for some reason I am babysitting about 4 small girls. (No, none of them are my children. I can't even have children in my dreams...well once, but he/she turned into a cat later). Anyway, i promised the girls a party but for some reason I was ignoring them completely. Then I decided okay, we'd go to Disney World and in this dream Disney World was located in the City of St. Louis. I live in St. Louis but I used to live in Orlando, Florida, thus the fucked up connection. So I'm going to get directions to Disney World (i never know directions to anyplace b/c my husband always insists on driving everywhere we go) off the computer. I'm using my brother's computer (he lives in Colorado for god sakes...where did that come from) and his computer keyboard has no "y" So I can only type in "Disne location" and i keep getting all these crazy results. but I keep going back to "yahoo.com" for the Maps and then it occurs to me...wait, yahoo.com has a "y" how am i getting here?
This dream lasted for what felt like an hour. These are the dreams i call "frustration dreams" 911 doesn't answer the phone, I'm being pursued by an attacker and my gun only fires dirt bullets, i try to have a baby and all i do is miscarry....wait, that's no dream, that's my REAL LIFE. And to that I say: ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
I'm with ya on the miscarrying issue. Hell, it took me 3 years to even get to that point. And don't you love the people who say "well, at least you know you can get pregnant?" Ugh.
Posted by: Milenka | Wednesday, March 17, 2004 at 01:54 AM
Resounding: YES! YES! YES!
3 years? I'd be insane with grief. The sick thing I've thought is that, "well, the first miscarriage was not so bad (relatively) b/c i didn't really have to put alot of work into it" wierd perspective, but mine just the same. now if i'd know that the first miscarriage was just a foretelling of things to come...
As for the "at least you can get pregnant types, I have this one friend (friend?) who tells me that all the time. "at least you know you can get pregnant" No comfort in that sista'. getting pregnant...sometimes easy, sometimes not. holding onto a pregnancy, now that's the key...like reservations (Jerry Seinfeld)..its the holding the pregnancy that really matters. Miscarriages...big ass waste of time and heartache. I'd rather not get pregnant than miscarry. I actually prayed for that after my 2nd miscarriage...no luck, and to that i say: ENOUGH ALREADY!!!
Posted by: Jalaine | Wednesday, March 17, 2004 at 10:49 PM