Who am I now?

When I first started blogging, I was an infertile.  I was experiencing something unique, that most of the general population did not struggle with.  Now, I'm a mom.  A mom after infertility, but I don't think that qualifies me to speak to anything unique or speacial. 

I took up blogging to get my frustration out at the experience of dealing with trying to get pregnant.  And it really helped. 

 

Itsnot all roses and sunshine, but its good, b/c right now, we are all healthy, and we are all together, even though we all get on each others nerves and g-d knows we are not doing this perfectly. 

I had a wicked fight w/my husband tonight b/c of his infuriating habit of not answering me when I ask him a question.  He seemed to think it was a small complaint (part of the problem in my opinion), but i find it incredibly rude.  And rudeness is not the real problem. 

The real problem is that I've asked him to do important things - like turn the stove off - and he has not done it, only to tell me that he didn't hear me.  So, I've told him that I need him to acknowledge me when I've asked him to do something so that I know he has heard me. 

So, I ASKED "will you turn off the stove top?"  And he is sashaying in the kitchen, eating yogurt, and not responding. 

Again, "WILL you torn off the stove top?!"  And now I'm starting to get pissed, b/c we are back to this pattern of behaviour in which he doesn't think my question merits a response.  And then it begins, "HEY, did you hear me?! Why didn't you answer my questions?!  G*dd***it, I asked you a question and I need to know if you heard me! what is wrong with you?!"

Then a huge fight ensued with him saying that I was overreacting, i.e. discounting my feelings, and trying to say that I was making a big deal over nothing. 

And to the average witness, that might appear to be the case.  But to someone like my mother, who has witnessed his behaviour, time after time after time, not so much. 

First his response was "I was turning off the stove" as in, that should be enough for you. 

Then it was "I was too tired to talk"

Then it was "I didn't think that was a question"

then "i had a mouth full of yogurt"

then "i didn't hear you"

Now, if i hadn't heard a million times that my requests for assistance were not met b/c he didn't hear me, well then, I wouldn't be so aggrevated. 

And then after further discussion, it turns out that the hearing test I insisted he get b/c he can't seem to hear me, well it did show up that he had hearing loss.  Which he lied about b/c he previously told me that he passed.  Or maybe this is just another layer of lies.  who the hell knows. 

And you know what just pisses me off the most? Its that he just won't be bothered to acknowledge me b/c he doesn't think its important.  AND he knows I'm not putting up with that shit for one second.  And there he is "I can't believe you would talk to me like that in front of the girls"

And quite frankly, I don't have a problem with that.  I want them to be strong women, and that means not putting up with that type of disrespect. 

I'm not going to quietly stuff that away so that we can have some sort of artificial peace.  He is going to treat me with respect, or not treat me at all. 

But this is a small problem.  Its an aggrevating problem.  Its not a life changing problem. 

But back to my orignal inquiry? Who am I now? Is there anything I have to say that merits reading?

My experience is no longer unique.  Its just normal.

and in retrospect, quiet a miracle in my life. 

So who am I now?

A mom.