Basically, I haven't blogged since my girls were born. A couple of posts, but nothing regular. Time really does fly. People would tell me that when I was on maternity leave, and I would think "you've got to be kidding." But its like the author Elizabeth Lyons wrote on having twins (and I paraphrase) - every day seems like an eternity, but every year, the blink of an eye. So how to catch up?
I remember their first birthday. We had the baby naming. A little late by Jewish standards, but right on target for people like us, who my mother-in-law deemed "slow to bloom". We were all there with our hippie guitar strumming rabbi, Rabbi Randy, from CRC. All our relatives had cameras. And when the big moment came, they all pretty much malfunctioned. We have very few pictures from that event. I did come up with a very good blessing for the girls which i will post next for posterity. And in case I loose the darn thing.
Shortly after their first birthday, we took a cruise - A cruise on Holland America to see the leaves change in the northeast and canada. But, b/c of bad planning, we took it too early to actually see the leaves change. We never actually had a honeymoon, and I conviced my husband to go on this g-dforsaken trip by telling him this would be it. This was a classic "Vacation" disaster like you see in the movies. I plan to write a book about it but suffice it to say, my husband summed it up this way "Honeymoon? there is nothing sweet about his trip - its the Lemonmoon!"
Then, when the girls were about a year and a half, my husband and i were going to go to a party at a friend's house. We had just moved into our new house about 6 months before that and really didn't know our neighbors. On this occaision, I was in the back yard with the girls with my hair in curlers while my husband went up to shower and get ready, cautiously locking the back door behind him. So, when i went to go back inside, I could not get in. I banged on the back door with no results. So I decided to go to the front door and ring the bell. Well, in my aggrevation, i neglected to close the gate to the fence, and when i looked up, Bruiser, our Chow Chow ran out.
There I was, 2 babies in the back yard, my husband in the shower, the dog running down the street, and me in curlers. If I were in my bathrobe, that would have been perfect. My neighbor drove up just in time and I asked her to watch the girls so I could go chase the dog. We live .3 miles from the City of Clayton and Bruiser of course was headed straight for the City. I was running full out with that damn dog just ahead of me. Finally, he saw a car that resembled my husband's and he slowed down. Then I grabbed him. But, I had no leash and no phone. I had to borrower a phone of a bystander and call my husband, who finally answered the phone, to load up our girls and come get me and the dog.
I have exercised induced asthma, and after running full out after this dog, I told my husband we may not be going to the party b/c I would have to go to the ER b/c my asthma was so bad. And do you know what he said to me?! "Oh, what are you a wimp?"
He did thank me afterward for saving the dog.
Then, there was their second birthday. We took them to the indoor carousel at Faust Park. St. Louis summers are brutal and this was a nice retreat. They were clueless. They didn't know what a birthday was. When we got home, they took a nap and my husband and I spent 3 hours putting together a plastic kitchen. I remember Raquel finally woke up, took a look at me, my husband, their nonna (my mom), grandma Euda and Grandpa Harvey, and cried when we shouted "Happy Birthday!"
Age 2 ushered in the tantrums. The kind where they are just screaming and you have no idea what to do. Fortunately, there were not too many of those, and I would say age 2 was not so terrible.
Age 3, I just made partner at my firm. Things were good. We threw them and their classmates a big party at the Magic House. The girls had a very good vocablulary and were almost potty trained.
Then October 2008, suddenly the financial world is turned upside down. After closing deals with one of the firms biggest clients for 8 years, suddenly they have lost confidence in my ability to close these deals. But, for now, it doesn't matter b/c their business is in the toilet and they aren't sending the firm that much work.
It becomes increasingly difficult to find billable work. But for the first time in years, we have time to take another vacation. And we do. We go to Charlotte, NC for the girls cousin's bat mitzvah. And when we get back, my husband is laid off. Just after we spent a ton of money on travel expenses - and we even drove there!
And while we are on vacation, I get an e-mail from one of the other partners asking about my low billable hours and requesing a meeting. This just isn't happening.
At the firm's year end, I'm informed that several partners wanted to terminate me. This after 9 years of profitability, one bad year and they want to shove me out the door. The partner that hired me is a real hard ass on the outside, but has a soft core, and he spares me. He can do that b/c he generates about a third of the firm's business. But he gives me a warning "when things get lean, things get mean"
He also lets me know that I probably would have been let go had it not been for the fact my husband lost his job and they basically don't have the heart to throw me out. They did throw out 2 lower ranking associates and stiffed the staff out of their bonuses, even though they rewarded themselves handsomely with bonuses. Talk about shit heels. Oh, and they cut my pay. I can understand the cut in my pay. After all, its about profitability, and if you don't bring in money, well then you don't get paid.
What I don't like is that the way work is divided up around the firm, but i'm told, people are free to give work to whomever they like. But at the partner meeting, we all pay lip service to "we are all still a firm here." Somehow, life above the line has gotten alot uglier than it was below the partner line. The partner meeting was brutal. There is some merit to the saying "ignorance is bliss" I got fucked in a lot of ways at the firm of which i can and probably will go into in more detail later on. But you know what? I'm alive to fight another day!
And in the mean time, our beautiful Bruiser died of cancer. He was diagnosed in Oct. 2008. What a shitty month that was huh? But he was a fighter, and he remained in pretty good health (with treatment albeit) until July of this year. And when it was clear that he was in pain, and he didn't sleep or lay down for 24 hours straight b/c the cancer had metastasized to his lungs, we called the vet to end his misery. And the vet gave Bruiser the sedative, but he didn't go down. He kept fighting. Our vet was clearly surprised and remarked that that was what had kept him going so long, the fight in that dog. Finally, we gave up waiting for him to give into the sedative and lay down, b/c he was prepared to fight to the end. The vet inserted the IV and injected a stronger sedative and Bruiser finally slept. And then the vet put him out of his misery. And he slept for good.
The lesson here? That dog was one tough son of a bitch all his life. There was never a fight he would back down from. He was an incredibly loyal and good friend. When I grow up, I want to be just like him.
Until then, I pray for the courage to fight another day.
And the girls? They are just fine. They think dog heaven is where the vet sends sick pets and that mean doctor won't let them come back.
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